Episode 31

The Mutual Broadcasting System brings you another episode of Life in Hyperion.

Today's episode: "The Melting of The Iceberg", Part 6

Last week, we began our third serial of the series with Conrad filling out a card for his sister Darlene's 30th birthday.  However, Cy feels that the whole idea is silly due to his feeling that Darlene is a human iceberg and has no friends, making a card a very bad idea.  This only allows Conrad to con Cy and Phil into attending the birthday party that Conrad is throwing in Darlene's honor.
Cy then goes to the library and meets up with Darlene, whose coldness at Cy makes her force him to leave, for only annoying her.  Meanwhile, Polly, the ever-budding singer/songwriter, decided to take her music out of the jail cells and into the world by requesting a show at Cathy's Tavern, even earning the services of Elmer and Cy as backing musicians.
As we begin this week, Darlene's 30th birthday has arrived and Conrad has basically ordered not only Phil and Cy, but Cy's faithful girlfriend Joanne to attend the party...

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Cy and Conrad's show soon comes and goes and the two make their way to Darlene and Conrad's house at about 1:30 pm. As they walk inside the house, they notice that Darlene isn't in sight.
"Well, she's not here, yet." says Cy.
"Just as planned." says Conrad.
"She could be hiding in the house, waiting to surprise us and foil your plans like the iceberg she happens to be." says Cy.
"Don't talk like that about my sister on her birthday." says Conrad.
"I've been doing it for the last five of them, you should be used to it by now." says Cy.
"Break with tradition today, for once." says Conrad.
"Hello, guys." says Joanne as she walks into the house.
"You got Joanne to participate in this?" says Cy.
"I thought it would prove you wrong about Darlene not having any friends." says Conrad.
"Joanne has never met Darlene and I was set that it would never happened." says Cy.
"Cy, you would dare not to allow me the pleasure of meeting your best friend's sibling?" says Joanne.
"Joanne, you don't know Darlene the iceberg the way I do." says Cy.
"I think I'll see that for myself." says Joanne.
"And did you have to buy your usual gift?" says Conrad, pointing to the thing in Cy's hands: a bottle of Jack Daniels Whiskey with a ribbon tied around the neck.
"I feel it helps to break the ice, around the iceberg, so to speak." says Cy.
"Cy, my sister's not a drinker and never will be." says Conrad.
"One of these birthdays, my gift will be welcomed." says Cy.
"It hasn't for four birthdays in a row and will never work." says Conrad.
"Give it time." says Cy.
"I hope this time Darlene throws it out." says Conrad.
"Tell me, did you invite anymore of our friends to this?" asks Cy.
"You forget about Phil." says Conrad.
"And here I am." says Phil as he enters the house.
"I can't believe you actually showed up." says Cy.
"And I can't believe Conrad invited Joanne here, althought it's nice to meet her at last." says Phil as he walks over to where Joanne is standing.
"Nice to meet you, Phil, and good to see you here." says Joanne.
"Has the iceberg arrived yet, Cy?" asks Phil.
"No, and you better hope she isn't behind any of the furniture." says Cy.
"She would popped up by now." says Phil.
"Cy, Phil, please lay off those jokes." says Conrad.
"Okay, but only for Conrad." says Cy.
"C'mon, let's hide and wait for Darlene." says Conrad.
Conrad, Phil, Cy, and Joanne soon disperse to various areas of the living room to hide behind. Cy walks around for a bit and sees Joanne duck behind a sofa. Cy then walks over and hides behind the sofa, as well.
"Nice to see we can share a hiding place." says Joanne.
"Yes, but it won't be a hiding place before long." says Cy.
"I know that, Cy." says Joanne.
"I mean, hiding won't work. Darlene probably knows we're all here already." says Cy.
"How can she know that?" asks Joanne.
"Because she's an iceberg, cold and unfeeling. She gets through by knowing what people are doing. She has never been surprised in her life for that is the response of a warm human being, not an iceberg." says Cy.
"She had to be warm at some point." says Joanne.
"I never knew that time. By the time I first met Darlene, the ice had started to form and it formed quickly." says Cy.
"No one is that cold." says Joanne.
"Darlene is. That's why every year, I get her a bottle of whiskey, in the hopes that she'll drink it, warm up, and melt all that ice." says Cy.
"I see she hasn't drank any of it." says Joanne.
"She's a tea-toller to the max. She thinks the invention of beer by early man was a wrong move, even if it did lead to civilization." says Cy.
"Maybe Darlene will be warm today." says Joanne.
"Oh, no. I bet you ten bucks that when she comes through that door, she'll ask all of us to come out of hiding." says Cy.
"She wouldn't say that." says Joanne.
"Don't underestimate the iceberg." says Cy.
2:00 pm arrives and the footsteps of Darlene are heard coming up the walk.
"Alright, everyone, be quiet." whispers Conrad to everyone.
"He's so naive." says Cy.
The sounds of the door opening is heard and Darlene steps inside the house.
"Alright, gang, come out of hiding." says Darlene.
At that moment, Conrad, Phil, Cy, and Joanne come out from behind their hiding places, with Joanne handing over a ten to Cy.
"Why do you do this to me?" asks Conrad.
"It's so predictable, you know." says Darlene.
"Then why go along with it?" asks Conrad.
"Because if I didn't, you wouldn't be yourself." says Darlene.
"The iceberg at work." whispers Cy to Joanne.
"I'm still an iceberg, Cyrus?" says Darlene.
"I'm considering an upgrade to glacier." says Cy.
"I'm not a cold person." says Darlene.
"You're right, Darlene." says Cy.
"You admit it?" asks Darlene.
"No, you're not even a person in my mind." says Cy.
"What would your mother say if she heard you slander me like that?" asks Darlene.
"Luckly, my mother ain't here to hear it." says Cy.
"And for once, I wish you would use the English language correctly." says Darlene.
"I uses it the best that I cans." says Cy.
"Stop it, or I'll throw you out of my house." says Darlene.
"While your brother and my best friend is here?" asks Cy.
"I hate it when you win one over me." says Darlene.
"All that hot anger doesn't melt that ice." says Cy.

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Tomorrow, the party continues onward with Conrad trying to get the proceedings under control and with things taking a very interesting turn.

Join us, won't you?
Yours truly, John Maxwell.

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